Evil comes in a can...by a very distressed Pepper

Nothing good to eat ever comes in a can. 

Exhibit A:

Need more evidence?

Get my drift?  Canned food typically sucks.  So, you can clearly understand my dismay and, yes horror when my mom decided to take off her Head Dog Chef apron today and serve us food from a can. 

I did not recognize the noise when I heard it.  Sort of a metal on metal sound, a hollow grinding noise, a couple of clunks and then a snap.  Then, there was a sucking, vacuum-ish plunk as she tipped the can upside down and plopped some gellatin-like slop into our metal bowls. 

"Kiddies........" 

"Ohhhhhhhhhh  Kiddies, it is dinner time...come and get it!!!!" my mom sang out.  You would have thought she was the head chef at a Michelin Five Star restuarant saying "Bon Appetit" as she served us various unidentified beef and chicken parts.

My brother and I ran out with all of the hopes for a nice Sunday dinner our little brains could envision.  My sycophantic brother wagged and went to town on his bowl.  Me?  I looked at the bowl as if my mom had decided to serve cow butts on a stick...which was probably the main ingredient in this meal. 

There is no way I am going to eat this slop.  I don't care if it is fortified with essential vitamins and minerals to keep me strong.  Give me some fresh, free range chicken or grass fed beef...this stuff is not suitable for consumption.

Day One of my hunger strike starts today.

Quit Barking at Me...by Pepper

Can someone please explain to me why you humans feel compelled to bark at me when I go for a walk?

Narry a week goes by that I don't hear "Ruff" or "Woof" or "GRRRRRRRRR" from the lips of some two legged idiot.  I must point out that it is never a woman that does this.  It is always the boys.   Young men, foreign men, poorly dressed men, business men and even old men...it does not matter.   They all seem compelled to bark at me.  Do they really think it is funny?

Most of the time, it is while my dad takes us for a walk and we are stopped to cross the street.  However, it does sometimes happen while we are in motion.  "Woof"   "Grrrrrrrr"   it never ends. 

You don't hear dogs yell "Hello" or "How are you" or other common noises humans make.  What if I walked around and said stuff like "Grande Latte"  "SuperSize the fries" or "Get me a beer".  Nope.  It never has happened.  

What always makes me angry is that after some drooling, mouth breathing numbskull barks at me and I decide to open up some Chihuahua whoop ass on him, they always look surprised and give "The Look" to my dad.  The Look?  You know...a look like "You need to controll your dog."  or  "I am calling Animal Control to report a viscious lap dog".  One time my dad looked at the guy and said, you started it idiot...that stopped his growling.

So, if you are reading this and you have ever barked at a dog...this one is for you. 

Shut up!

Quit Barking At ME!!!!

Pepper

Duck Breast and Sweet Potatoes...

Mr, Wendell and Pepper's dad here. 

Do me a favor.  Stand up, walk over to your snack cupboard and count the bags of pretzels, potatoe chips, cans of nuts, crackers and whatever else you may enjoy nibbling on between meals.  I will bet you five dollars that Mr. Wendell and Pepper's snack cupboard has more "quantity", more choices and probably a higher nutritional class of options inside.

Let us take a peek in Pepper and Wendell's Snack Bin. 

Dried Duck Breast, Sweet Potatoe Chips, Turkey Treats, Pupperoni, Newman's own Turkey and Sweet Potatoe Treats, Snausages and T-Bonz.  There are Milkbones and something called "Veggie Life Vitality" that boasts of containing Flaxseed (Flaxseed for Pete's sake!), bananas and chicken. 

Vitality is low in fat, a great source of vitamins, digestible (good thing!), good for the eyes, skin and coat.  No fillers, no wheat, no salt, no hormones, no artificial colors, no by products, no antibiotics, no sugar and absolutley no articficial flavors.  Humans should have it so good.

This does not include thier favorite two treats...First, my love for beef jerky takes a second seat to Mr. Wendell and Peppers' taste for the stuff.  I get admonished by Christine when I reach into the bag of beef jerky and grab a piece.  "That is for Mr. Wendell and Pepper" she bellows out whenever she hears me rustling.  I usually respond with "Give me a &*#E%$^  break!"   This is usually followed by "I am the one who originally started eating beef jerky here...these little poop heads are not going to first dibs on my beef jerky."  "Feed them the &$#*&$-ing  duck breast!!!!"    Even when I win this argument with Christine, I lose...both the argument and the beef jerky!

The other favorite treat is Pepper's bedtime snack...

Pepper will whine, cry, beg and throw a fit until Christine throws a handful of these in her direction.

Did you go to your snack bin yet?  Send me the five spot if I am right...Mr. Wendell and Pepper have it made!  Or come on over and we can crucnh some Vitality together!

They are deporting our brothers and sisters!!! By Pep and Mr. Wendell

You may or may not have caught a number of news stories that have been bumping around the last few weeks, but Pepper and I are in deep distress over the plight of our brothers and sisters in California.  Click here for an MSNBC Story

Apparently, over-indulgent parents who have bought little Heather and Haley Chihuahua's for thier 8th birthday have realized that we are not always the cuddly little lap dogs they thought we were.  Now, they are dumping our brothers and sisters off at animal shelters in high numbers.  Humans are trying to help by flying us to other areas of the country.

Our race of dogs are smart, fun and easy to care for.  However, if you have kids, a lot of strangers in and out of the house or a lot of noises, we tend to not be the best kind of dogs for you to have around.  Little kids running around and making loud noises make us nervous.  We can get nippy, yappy and loud around kids.  Also, when strangers come in the door, we try to protect our owners.  We open up the big can of Chihuahua whoop-ass and go nuts...until folks call our bluff and we run behind our owners. 

Just because Paris Hilton has a few of us, does not mean we are great for everyone else!

A number of charities have sprung up to fly unwanted Chihuahuas (who could have thunk we could be unwanted?) out of California to other locales.  Please, think about spring a few of our brothers and sisters loose from shelters and into the hands of owners who will enjoy us for who we are!

Here is a link to a few...

Chihuahua Rescue and Transport

Chihuahua Rescue

Help a dog out!

Pep and Mr. W

Proof that Chihuahuas are supreme beings...By Ms. Pepper

I have decided to let my sophomoric brother's attempt at humor slide by without even a snarl.  I refuse to lower myself to his level. 

As the page flips from December to January, I have decided to let human-kind in on an ancient truth.  It may be tough for you to understand what I am about to reveal.  Many of you will shake your heads in disagreement.  Never underestimate the power of denial I say.

The simple truth? 

Chihuahuas are a supreme race of creature who landed here thousands of years ago and decided to stay.  Why did we stay?

"A nearly endless supply of human slave labor." 

Want proof?

Humans go to work to earn money so that they can spend money on Chihuahua clothes, food, toys and medicene.  Need proof?  Go here Pet Supply Industry Statistics

Humans cook our food, serve our food and clean up our dishes afterward.  Donald Trump wishes he had it so good.  No Chihuahua ever has had to cook a meal ever.  Humans serve us in this capacity.

Humans pick up our poop.  This fact is the most glaring example of your servitude to the Chiihuahua race.  Heck, I bet if you ask several Chihuahua owners, they even wipe a Huahua butt or two.  Would you pick up your wife or husbands droppings if they left a large one on the floor in front of the TV?   Proof positive.  You are my slave.

I could go on.  But I won't.  These three points tell it all. 

Bow before me.

Pepper