My brother...the gorilla. By Mr. Wendell

I am announcing a new edition to the family. Ivindo the Gorilla.

What? A gorilla he said? I did not stutter.

For my mom's birthday, my dad adopted a gorilla. Why you ask? Well...a few weeks ago, there was a segment on the Today show about Damien Aspinall, a guy who has done some pretty amazing work protecting endangered animals.

In the segment, they show a reunion between Mr. Aspinall and one of his rescued gorillas that had been returned back to the wild. The footage (below) is pretty amazing. Real evidence that animals do have memories and feelings and connections.

Well, my mom was really touched by the reunion. My dad, being a guy who really cares for my mom (he also has a softspot for animals), went to the Aspinall Foundation website (http://www.aspinallfoundation.org/) and adopted us a brother!

Ivindo is his name. Here is a picture of him...

He is calm and quiet reportedly.

I welcome him to our family! Pepper is pretty miffed. She thinks it will dilute her inheritance.

Mr. Wendell

Vacuum Cleaners Must Go! By Mr. Wendell

I hate vacuum cleaners. I don't know why. Is it the noise? The motion? The color? I don't know. All I know is it makes me crazy.

The vacuum cleaner coming out of the closet makes my hair stand up on the back of my neck. I feel compelled to bark at it as my mom or dad take it into the living room.

As soon as it is plugged in and the switch is clicked on, I go into action. I chase the stupid contraption across the floor. Back and forth...back and forth....back and forth. It feels like my mom is teasing me with it...pushing it to me and pulling it away from me.

No wonder I go into a tizzy and bite the darn thing. One of these days, I am going to make it stop!!!

On another note...

Here is a picture of my two ladies...Miss Freda and Miss Pepper. I am a lucky dog indeed. W

Kibbles and Bits...Pepper and Wendell

There is not much new going on here. There are no big themes for this post. We do have a few odd bones and treats to toss about.

First, we have a new cousin. Nicky is his name. Our Aunt and Uncle who live in Carmel by the Sea adopted him last week. He is 10 years old and was previously being cared for by an elderly lady who could no longer give him the home that he needed. Cute little guy. Who could hate this face? Well, maybe Pepper could. But who listens to her? -W-

Secondly, we had company this weekend. One of my dad's old work buddies from many years ago and his wife came by. They were nice enough people, but they got in the way of our Sunday walk on the beach. The guy made weird noises at us to. I am not sure what that was about. It made my brother angry for sure. I bet they will be surprised when they unpack thier suitcases. I left a little momento in there for them to remember me by. He-He! -P-

Thirdly, Mr. W had to go to the vet for a check up. Now that he is over a certain age, they wanted to check out his rear end. That was not something he appreciated. You should have seen his eyes bugging out. -P-

Irresponsible Humans by Pepper and Mr. W

Observing dog owners, like we get to do a lot, reveals a lot about them as citizens of the planet. There are many great dog owners. They are good to the dogs and good to the people around them that may live in our world...yeah, thats right...It is a dogs world!

(Need proof? You feed us, pick up our poop, bathe us, water us, spend hundreds of dollars on outfits, toys and snacks. Don't doubt for one minute that we are YOUR masters...not the other way around. Pepper!)

However, we have seen a lot of bad dog owners out there. Here are our top five pet (pun intended!) peeves!

Pet Peeve 1) Bad dog owners don't pick up their dog's poop! Who wants to see Ruff's pile sitting on the grass in the park? No one. Is it too much to ask to walk over to the plastic bag dispenser that the city offers everyone for free? Please!

Pet Peeve 2) Bad owners, who may have at least bagged the poop, will leave it sit in the bag on the grass. Why? Do you think someone else will pick it up? Come one!!!! Lazy.

Pet Peeve 3) Bad owners will let feisty dogs run around unleashed and terrorize other dogs. Hey dumb ass owners of Brutus who were walking along the bay today...your dog going after every dog it saw today agressively will some day get you in legal trouble. I hope the dog comes out okay, because it is your fault that Brutus was not on a leash today. Oh yeah, you creatins, acting like you don't see your dog act this way is not going to make it go away. Another thing...your poor kids who lost the birth lottery when they ended up with you as parents are learning nothing good from you,.

Pet Peeve 4) Bad dog owners let dogs jump on strangers. Do I even need to tell you how stupid that is?

Pet Peeve 5) Bad dog owners let little Bingo run loose on the bike trail. Sooner or later, stupid little Bingo will run in front of a cyclist, get seriously injured and probably seriously injure the rider. Of course, even though it is clearly marked a cycling lane, this does not apply to your dog...because Bingo is special and doe'nt have to do what other people or dogs do. (You probably eat boogers when no one looks as well. Slack jaw!)

Pepper and Mr. Wendell

A PG Rated Post...Ed

Pepper and Wendell are currently sleeping like zombies.

The reason the wallet-emptying little fur balls are sleeping like zombies is that we got them out for a long walk along the Bay this morning. It was 75 degrees here today and to not get them out would have been a crime.

We must have encountered 400 dogs today on our walk. No kidding. There were dogs of all sizes, ages, colors and temperments out on the trail today. We usually let Pep and Wendell be approached by other dogs and approach other dogs as well, as long as everyone seems to be behaved.

I never cease to be disgusted and amused with how dogs greet each other. Okay, I have enough 13 year old boy left in me to be a little gross...so, to be clear, this is a little immature!

Dogs huff butts when they greet other!

No matter what, the doggie greeting always degrades to one of the dogs taking a deep sniff of the others posterior region. Sometimes, you may even get the dual doggie huff as the dogs position themselves front to back.

What do they learn? What could possibly be that important about what one ate the day before? MMMMMM....Pepper, it smells like you had some beef jerky yesterday. Ahhh...Freta, smells like they tried to give you Chef Michael's Filet but you opted to eat table scraps. Is that meatloaf I smell? How are you?

Yuck! It is funny to watch the humans attached to the dogs pretend not to notice. Me? I think it is gross and try to use it as a teaching experience.

"Mr. Wendell! Gentlemen shake hands...not sniff butts! How many times do we have to talk about this?" He looks at me like I am from Mars. He is still not getting it.

I want to go on record that I am so fricking happy that humans don't greet each other that way. Can you imagine?

Picture two guys in business suits over a board room table...nose to tail. "Good to meet you Joe." Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. "Good to see you again Bob" Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. "Great job on the McDermott deal, Sally" Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. Yikes!!!!

How disgusting! But maybe no more disgusting than shaking hands...because we ALL know that everyone has clean hands!!!!




E

My Brother, the dog model...By Pepper

My brother has been bragging about his modeling career lately.  My brother?  A model?  Yeah right, and my dad is a brain surgeon.  My brother has a better chance of landing on a "Ten Most Unwanted List" than he does landing on the cover of Chihuahua Quarterly or Vanity Fair for Canines. 

What got my brother's head thinking he was a runway dog?  Apparently, there was some stupid spam email contest that my mom found about a month or two ago.  Click here to vote for Mr. Wendell .  The general idea is that you submit a photo of your pet to this site.  Then, other schmuckos with no life vote on the cutest pet (oh yeah, you can vote for you own pet as fast as you can hit enter on your computer).   If your uglier than me furry kid gets voted into the Top 1,500 they end up in a book.  (Of course, there were more instructions on how to buy the book than instructions on how to vote...)

So, my mom submitted this photo:

It is a dapper picture of the lad.  I get that.  However, I doubt he will get a 4 page spread in PawBoy. 

Now his head is bigger than normal, even for a Chihuahua.  He wants his nails done.  He sniffs disapprovingly of his camo dog jacket.  He has started eating tissues and ice cubes so that he can control his weight.  He is even practicing walking around with one paw crossing the next so that he can walk like the rest of the models.  Give me a break. 

Your hair is thin.  Your eye balls are big.  You have spots instead of a lustrous shiny coat like me.  I should be on the web site...not you!

I may pee on the carpet and try to make it look like you did it.  Ugly boy!

Ms. Pepper...the real model

The Kind Diet...not a dog's best friend! Pepper and Wendell

Two weeks ago, my mom and our dim bulb dad saw some lady named Alicia Silverstone on Oprah talking about the Kind Diet The Kind Diet: A Simple Guide to Feeling Great, Losing Weight, and Saving the PlanetShe was talking about how a diet that had no sugar, no caffiene, no gluten, no dairy and no meat made her feel good, her coat shiny and all of that.  We pretty much laid around like normal...

Until we heard my mom say "Lets try it!  We can do it!".  Our ears perked up...hoping my dad would say no, this sounds like a bad idea.  However, my dad agreed immediately...probably because he knows life just goes easier when he agrees with her 100%.  So for the last two weeks, these two faux west coasters have been eating veggies, beans, tofu, nuts and all other sorts of crap.  What is next?   Birkenstocks? 

About now, you might be asking..."Why do you dogs even care?"

Here is the deal...they are not eating meat.  So... you ask?  Do I have to spell it out for you?  No meat for them, means no table scraps worth eating for us.  We could always rely on some steak, some chicken, some sausage or some turkey dangled off the edge of the table.  Tofutti does not graze in an open meadow.  You cannot barbeque a Soy!

We hoped they would crack and for a days  it looked like they would.  But now, they say they feel great and have more energy.  They may never go back.

Dinner time now sucks!

This must end.  Scientists must some how discredit the Kind diet...before dogs all over the US are subjected to this meatless torture nightmare.  Burn the book!!!

Pepper and Wendell.

p.s.  We are sad to say good bye to our dear friend and cousin King Cyrus.  (Who, we know would agree that dogs deserve meat from the dining room table.)  Cyrus, passed this week after 17 years of tail wagging and long walks.  We know his mom and dad miss him and we do to. 

I hate pigeons!!! By Mr. Wendell

I hate pigeons.  What good are they?  They are dirty.  The poop all over the place.  They strut around like they own the city.  I want to get ahold of one or eight of them and rip them to shreds.   Grrrrr!

Every day some guy in a beat up red pickup truck drives by our house and tosses a milk carton full of bird seed onto the corner sidewalk.  It attracts little winged rodents like mosquitos to a bug light.  Dozens of these disease infested beasts then congregate until all of the seed is eaten...leaving behind them a 12 x 12 foot section of bird poop covered sidewalk. 

I loathe this man in the red pick up truck.  May his transmission fall out on Van Ness Blvd.. and may the pigeons land on him and pick him to the bone.  They probably would too...birds cannot be trusted.

My cool dad lets me chase them to the end of my leash.  Most of the time, I get so enraged that I forget that I have a leash on. The centrifugal force of me running then hitting the end of the leash as I leap into the air to catch the flying birds causes me to swing up 3-4 feet in the air...all the while barking my little furry butt off! 

If my mom is with us when this happens, she usually yells at my dad while trying to keep a laugh in.  She hates pigeons as much as I do, but acts like she is annoyed when my dad lets me have some fun. 

I am not sure of the purpose of pigeons...all I know is that I want them out of my neighborhood.

Mr. Wendell

Thank you Aunt Nola! Pepper and Wendell....

So my mom and dad went to New York City for a few days.  And all we got was this lousy picture of my mom in Times Square in the rain...

No new bones, no snazzy toys...not even one of those stinkin I "heart" New York T-shirts...

I think Mr.Wendell and I had a better weekend than my mom and dad.  It all started on Wednesday when my mom left that house and came back with someone we had not seen in a long time!  Our Aunt Nola!  What a surprise!  Mr. Wendell barked because he is just an idiot...but I was happy to see her!

She is more fun that my mom and dad.  She plays with us.  Lets us have beef jerky for breakfast and takes us for longer walks than my lazy mom and dad take us on. 

Mr. Wendell wanted to short sheet her bed, put a tootsie roll on the floor (to make her think we had an accident) or put cellaphane on the toilet lid for a laugh, but I talked him out of it.  We want her to come back as she is a lot of fun!  We even felt comfortable enough to curl up and sleep with her last night...we have never done that before.

We were sorry to see her go today. 

Thanks Aunt Nola!

Dogs should be tax deductable....just like kids!

Today, my lovely wife and I made our bi-weekly sojourn to Target.  Our contribution to the gods of retail happens every two weeks like clock work.  As we live downtown where everything is more expensive and usually smaller sized, we try to save up our purchasing needs and head out to the burbs. 

Today, as I unpacked the bags I noticed that our bi-weekly purchases are more and more for the furry kids.

Pee Pads                            Dog Food
Baby Wipes                       Bully Sticks
Dog Treats                         Denta Sticks
Beef Jerky                          Dog Shampoo
Poop Bags

This got me thinking about everything else we do for these "best friends"...

Doggy Nanny Care (Aunt Nola visits)
Vet Bills
Dog Clothes (Sigh...a dog jacket costing $60 each....yes)
Doggy Vitamins
Dog Harnesses
Doggy blankets
Doggy dentistry (teeth cleaning)
Doggy workouts


Some kids should have it as good as my dogs...
I came to the conclusion that these little tail wagging furballs are pretty darn expensive. 

Why aren't they tax deductable??

Pepper can spell...Mr. E

Have you ever found yourself spelling words in front of your dogs so they do not understand? 

Like, "Hey Christine, do you want to take the D-O-G-S on a W-A-L-K?  Or, this B-O-N-E is too small, lets get them a new one."

What happens when the D-O-Gs get smart enough to figure out what you are spelling?

It is scary, but we are now at that level at our house.  Both Wendell and Pepper have figured out many of the words that we have resorted to spelling to keep thier little ears from hearing.  Pepper is so good, she is ready to enter the Scripps National Spelling Bee.  She would likely take a trophy at some level.

We came across this a few times with some specific words.  "N-E-W   B-O-N-E" as in, "Let's get Pepper a new bone."  Spelling NEW BONE will now get her off of the coach and running to the pantry where she will stand wagging her tail waiting for the treat.  T-R-E-A-T can get her off the coach after the letter "R".

B-E-D is a word she can also spell.

We now have to speak in code using words that are synonyms of the intended words.  Soon, we will have to spell those!  Then what will we do?

E

p.s. as I read this stupid post to Christine P-E-P-P-E-R went into a frenzy resulting in Christine getting her a N E W - B O N E....I guess that was BONE HEADED of me!!!

A Challenge to Cesar Milan...by Pepper

Dear Cesar,

My name is Pepper Penelope Roshitsh and I hereby challenge you to a face off.  You name the time.  You pick the place.  I will have you quitting your show, recalling your books and surrounding yourself with cats.  I (ahem) double dog dare you to try that "pshhhh" "pshhhhh" crap with me.  Some lady with a clicker and a line of references a mile long is now in a padded room muttering my name.  You don't scare me!

I have had a long line of victories over dog trainers, dog whisperers and other charlatans who believe they can teach me how to behave.  I have been kicked out of two dog obedience schools.  My mom had to do the walk of shame past all of the other mom's whose dogs were behaving as we were escorted to the door. 

It is not that I don't behave.  Oh, I can behave when I want to.  It is a matter of motivation for me.  WIIFP?  (Whats In It For Pep?) 

Your little dog whisperer sorcery may work on furniture chewing beagles, barking dalmations and puddle making poodles.  However, I will turn you into the Dog Whimperer after you view my Pepperness.

Leave me a comment Cesar....bring it on.

Pepper.

Yesterday was the best day of our lives...

Yesterday may have well been the best day of Pepper and I's lives.  We have expereinced years of first class air travel, five star hotels and Zagat survey rated meals prepared by Christine, our very own personal chef.  Pepper and I are two very hard dogs to impress.  However, my dad managed to pull it off with a simple car ride to a new place.

Yesterday was a sunny beautiful day.  My dad thought a trip to Golden Gate Park to let us take a walk would be a good way to spend the day.  He is kind hearted, but generally slow and he failed to realize that every other person in  San Francisco would have the same exact idea.  Knucklehead. This is what it looked like going into the park..

Anyways, after driving around futiley looking for a parking spot, he said "I know exactly where we will go".  This brought a yawn from Pepper and a few grumbles from my mom about he should have probably knew that today would be a bad day for this sort of thing.  Stubborn he is, I will give him that. He pressed on.

We landed at Crissy Field and hit the doggie day jack pot.  There are all sorts of paths, dogs to meet, bushes to take leaks on and fields where dogs do not need to wear leashes.  At a website called "Dogster", Crissy Field gets five paws out of five for us dogs.   (Click here to visit Dogster review of Crissy Field).

Of course, my attention deficit disordered father forgot the camera in the car.  You will have to look at this stock photo he shamelessly grabbed from someone else's web site to get the idea.  Anyways, Pepper and I enjoyed about an hour of walking around.  We met dozens of other dogs and had a great time.  There were no barks, bites or other bad behavoir. 

Both Pepper and I agreed that the old man had made real beef gravy out of a nasty can of Alpo!

Two paws up!

Pepper and Wendell

The Woman of My Dreams...by Mr. Wendell

Blonde silky hair...

Long shapely legs...

The way her breath smells of MilkBone dog bisquits...

I cannot get her off of my mind.  I have been seeing her 3 or 4 times a week for the last several months.  Her name?  Frida.  I love the way it rolls off of my tongue.  Freeeee-da.  Yes...Freeeeee-da.

We meet in the courtyard of the City Hall building daily.  Her owners let her and I run around together, chasing each other and enjoying each others' company.  She does not seem to care that I came from the other side of the tracks.  She is the girl of my dreams. 

I cannot get her off of my mind...

Evil comes in a can...by a very distressed Pepper

Nothing good to eat ever comes in a can. 

Exhibit A:

Need more evidence?

Get my drift?  Canned food typically sucks.  So, you can clearly understand my dismay and, yes horror when my mom decided to take off her Head Dog Chef apron today and serve us food from a can. 

I did not recognize the noise when I heard it.  Sort of a metal on metal sound, a hollow grinding noise, a couple of clunks and then a snap.  Then, there was a sucking, vacuum-ish plunk as she tipped the can upside down and plopped some gellatin-like slop into our metal bowls. 

"Kiddies........" 

"Ohhhhhhhhhh  Kiddies, it is dinner time...come and get it!!!!" my mom sang out.  You would have thought she was the head chef at a Michelin Five Star restuarant saying "Bon Appetit" as she served us various unidentified beef and chicken parts.

My brother and I ran out with all of the hopes for a nice Sunday dinner our little brains could envision.  My sycophantic brother wagged and went to town on his bowl.  Me?  I looked at the bowl as if my mom had decided to serve cow butts on a stick...which was probably the main ingredient in this meal. 

There is no way I am going to eat this slop.  I don't care if it is fortified with essential vitamins and minerals to keep me strong.  Give me some fresh, free range chicken or grass fed beef...this stuff is not suitable for consumption.

Day One of my hunger strike starts today.

Quit Barking at Me...by Pepper

Can someone please explain to me why you humans feel compelled to bark at me when I go for a walk?

Narry a week goes by that I don't hear "Ruff" or "Woof" or "GRRRRRRRRR" from the lips of some two legged idiot.  I must point out that it is never a woman that does this.  It is always the boys.   Young men, foreign men, poorly dressed men, business men and even old men...it does not matter.   They all seem compelled to bark at me.  Do they really think it is funny?

Most of the time, it is while my dad takes us for a walk and we are stopped to cross the street.  However, it does sometimes happen while we are in motion.  "Woof"   "Grrrrrrrr"   it never ends. 

You don't hear dogs yell "Hello" or "How are you" or other common noises humans make.  What if I walked around and said stuff like "Grande Latte"  "SuperSize the fries" or "Get me a beer".  Nope.  It never has happened.  

What always makes me angry is that after some drooling, mouth breathing numbskull barks at me and I decide to open up some Chihuahua whoop ass on him, they always look surprised and give "The Look" to my dad.  The Look?  You know...a look like "You need to controll your dog."  or  "I am calling Animal Control to report a viscious lap dog".  One time my dad looked at the guy and said, you started it idiot...that stopped his growling.

So, if you are reading this and you have ever barked at a dog...this one is for you. 

Shut up!

Quit Barking At ME!!!!

Pepper

Duck Breast and Sweet Potatoes...

Mr, Wendell and Pepper's dad here. 

Do me a favor.  Stand up, walk over to your snack cupboard and count the bags of pretzels, potatoe chips, cans of nuts, crackers and whatever else you may enjoy nibbling on between meals.  I will bet you five dollars that Mr. Wendell and Pepper's snack cupboard has more "quantity", more choices and probably a higher nutritional class of options inside.

Let us take a peek in Pepper and Wendell's Snack Bin. 

Dried Duck Breast, Sweet Potatoe Chips, Turkey Treats, Pupperoni, Newman's own Turkey and Sweet Potatoe Treats, Snausages and T-Bonz.  There are Milkbones and something called "Veggie Life Vitality" that boasts of containing Flaxseed (Flaxseed for Pete's sake!), bananas and chicken. 

Vitality is low in fat, a great source of vitamins, digestible (good thing!), good for the eyes, skin and coat.  No fillers, no wheat, no salt, no hormones, no artificial colors, no by products, no antibiotics, no sugar and absolutley no articficial flavors.  Humans should have it so good.

This does not include thier favorite two treats...First, my love for beef jerky takes a second seat to Mr. Wendell and Peppers' taste for the stuff.  I get admonished by Christine when I reach into the bag of beef jerky and grab a piece.  "That is for Mr. Wendell and Pepper" she bellows out whenever she hears me rustling.  I usually respond with "Give me a &*#E%$^  break!"   This is usually followed by "I am the one who originally started eating beef jerky here...these little poop heads are not going to first dibs on my beef jerky."  "Feed them the &$#*&$-ing  duck breast!!!!"    Even when I win this argument with Christine, I lose...both the argument and the beef jerky!

The other favorite treat is Pepper's bedtime snack...

Pepper will whine, cry, beg and throw a fit until Christine throws a handful of these in her direction.

Did you go to your snack bin yet?  Send me the five spot if I am right...Mr. Wendell and Pepper have it made!  Or come on over and we can crucnh some Vitality together!

They are deporting our brothers and sisters!!! By Pep and Mr. Wendell

You may or may not have caught a number of news stories that have been bumping around the last few weeks, but Pepper and I are in deep distress over the plight of our brothers and sisters in California.  Click here for an MSNBC Story

Apparently, over-indulgent parents who have bought little Heather and Haley Chihuahua's for thier 8th birthday have realized that we are not always the cuddly little lap dogs they thought we were.  Now, they are dumping our brothers and sisters off at animal shelters in high numbers.  Humans are trying to help by flying us to other areas of the country.

Our race of dogs are smart, fun and easy to care for.  However, if you have kids, a lot of strangers in and out of the house or a lot of noises, we tend to not be the best kind of dogs for you to have around.  Little kids running around and making loud noises make us nervous.  We can get nippy, yappy and loud around kids.  Also, when strangers come in the door, we try to protect our owners.  We open up the big can of Chihuahua whoop-ass and go nuts...until folks call our bluff and we run behind our owners. 

Just because Paris Hilton has a few of us, does not mean we are great for everyone else!

A number of charities have sprung up to fly unwanted Chihuahuas (who could have thunk we could be unwanted?) out of California to other locales.  Please, think about spring a few of our brothers and sisters loose from shelters and into the hands of owners who will enjoy us for who we are!

Here is a link to a few...

Chihuahua Rescue and Transport

Chihuahua Rescue

Help a dog out!

Pep and Mr. W

Proof that Chihuahuas are supreme beings...By Ms. Pepper

I have decided to let my sophomoric brother's attempt at humor slide by without even a snarl.  I refuse to lower myself to his level. 

As the page flips from December to January, I have decided to let human-kind in on an ancient truth.  It may be tough for you to understand what I am about to reveal.  Many of you will shake your heads in disagreement.  Never underestimate the power of denial I say.

The simple truth? 

Chihuahuas are a supreme race of creature who landed here thousands of years ago and decided to stay.  Why did we stay?

"A nearly endless supply of human slave labor." 

Want proof?

Humans go to work to earn money so that they can spend money on Chihuahua clothes, food, toys and medicene.  Need proof?  Go here Pet Supply Industry Statistics

Humans cook our food, serve our food and clean up our dishes afterward.  Donald Trump wishes he had it so good.  No Chihuahua ever has had to cook a meal ever.  Humans serve us in this capacity.

Humans pick up our poop.  This fact is the most glaring example of your servitude to the Chiihuahua race.  Heck, I bet if you ask several Chihuahua owners, they even wipe a Huahua butt or two.  Would you pick up your wife or husbands droppings if they left a large one on the floor in front of the TV?   Proof positive.  You are my slave.

I could go on.  But I won't.  These three points tell it all. 

Bow before me.

Pepper